Obsessively Devoted

A dear friend once prayed for me and said that the Lord was telling me to worship Him when I wanted to, and to not do it out of obligation. At the time, I felt that this was a horrible idea, and thought that I would stop praying, worshipping, and reading scripture altogether. Growing up, most things related to my relationship with God felt like obligation coming from a place of guilt or worry. Recently, I have come to find what the Lord means when He is calling me to worship when I want to. It’s all about love.

A few nights ago, I sat on the couch in my new apartment. I was planning on watching a TV episode online. I started to watch, but heart was elsewhere. Normally I would choose to finish the episode and then move on, but the desire was growing too strong. I simply had to sit in the presence of the Lord; not because I was obligated to, but because I was (and am) in love.  I picked up my bible and opened to John 17. I had no reason to turn to this passage except that it was all in red letters. I craved to read Jesus’ words. The first verse immediately captivated my heart: “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me.” As I read these words, electricity filled my veins. Tears filled my eyes. Jesus prayed for me. I am one who heard and believed “through their word.” He prayed that I would be one with Him. One. Together for eternity. Reading those verses, I was absolutely undone by the beauty of Jesus. He is perfect in every way. There is not a spot in Him. Everything He does is out of pure, genuine, love. He loves me; He loves you; and I am in love.

Every waking moment spent in worship of Jesus is not enough. He is so worthy. He is so beautiful. So sweet. So loving. So compassionate. So fiery. So pure. Each day, I want to spend more time with Him. It’s beginning to seem like there is not enough time. I will no longer begrudgingly pick up my bible or say a quick little loveless prayer. I want to be obsessively devoted. In love.